


"Chin Up"

by letsdoaskit



Category: Septiplier - Fandom, jacksepticeye - Fandom, markiplier - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Happy ending though, Jack is depressed, M/M, dont you worry, oc-therapist, oops angsty, read carefully friends, shes barely there though, there is depression, trigger warning, why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-14 19:26:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7187003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsdoaskit/pseuds/letsdoaskit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jack becomes depressed, Mark always has the same advice for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Chin Up"

**Author's Note:**

> This was a pain to write. I lost large sections while writing it and it took a full day to get it all out. However, this is one of my favorite things I've ever written. It came easily and I enjoyed the flow of writing it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it! Thanks :)  
> -letsdoaskit
> 
> *If you are experiencing depression, please don't push people away. Talk to people about it, it honestly helps. Also remember that I love you! Thank you for being you! Chin up, friends!

     Jack sat at his window, staring at nothing. It was quite sad, normally at this time of day the sky was filled with twinkling lights to keep him company. He supposed it was only fit. He did deserve a kick while he was down. Down. That's right he let everyone down. The events of earlier rushed to his head.

She was a fan. Thirteen at most. He remembered her from a convention and said hello. She gave a shy smile before running towards her parents. The next time he saw her was in the paper.

"School Holds Memorial Service for Lost Classmate"

He remembers looking at the article, shocked that he recognized the face. The face of a child taken too early. A child who's time he wasted, Every. Single. Day. Not once but TWICE every day. He must have stolen countless, precious hours from her parents. He was probably doing the same to others too. What had he done? By creating this channel, this community he was... Hurting people?

Jack had a headache. It started when he saw that article and hasn't stopped since. He sobbed for hours. It got worse. He sat and stared at a wall, still it got worse. It became a throbbing pain. He made an attempt to drink some coffee but vomited almost immediately after it passed his lips. He wasn't used to sadness. He didn't understand it, all he knew was that it was strangely comforting. Comforting that he still felt things in his fragile state of mind. Comforting because it meant that he was normal. Comforting that for once in his life, he wasn't lonely. He had a companion. Even if it was harmful, it was something. He went through the day like a ghost. Floating through his halls. Filming with a dead smile. Forgetting what life was like before this.

His audience noticed right away. They flooded him with messages asking what was wrong and wishing him well. It was only a matter of time before his friends joined in. He ignored them all. Felix messaged him on Skype? He didn't respond. Bob tried to call? He hit ignore. Wade pleaded for a response? More ignoring. He didn't interact with anyone until Mark sent him a public message on Twitter:

"Hey, @Jack_Septic_Eye, Chin Up!"

Jack knew that by sending this message, Mark caused panic in the fandom. Even more "What's wrong?" and concerned tweets were sent to him. He had no choice but to respond. _"Why not hit two birds with one stone?"_ He thought. He knew that if he worded the message carefully enough he could reassure both his fans and his friends in one tweet. After thinking for a while he finally decided on:

"Hey, @markiplier, thanks! Made me smile! :p"

\---

"Wade? It worked. He responded."

"Really? Thank God." Wade said into the phone with a sigh of relief.

"I wouldn't be so calm so fast. Read the message." Mark said.

"I don't understand. What's wrong with it?" Wade asked, confused.

"I don't know. It just seems like he's trying too hard to show that he's alright." Mark said, sounding like a concerned parent. After a moment, Wade responded.

"Yeah. You're right." Wade said sadly.

"Have you seen his videos lately?" Mark asked.

"Yeah, he looks horrible." Wade responded.

"I'm not sure he's sleeping at all." Mark said looking to the ceiling.

"I-I feel so helpless. I can't do anything. We live too far apart." Mark admitted.

"I know the feeling. I'm sure we'll get him back. It'll just take some time and patience." Wade said trying to reassure his friend.

"Thanks Wade. I'm going to go to bed now."

"Alright, Mark. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Wade hung up the phone and stalked over to his computer to message Jack again.

"Hey buddy, we really miss you. Hope you respond."

\---

Jack began to settle into the feeling of depression. Over the course of a month he distanced himself from the fan base. He changed to uploading once a day, he stopped "Reading Your Comments", and he stopped responding to comments and tweets. He could tell the audience didn't know what to do. They felt helpless. It was okay though, Jack knew that he was helping them in the long run.

He continued on just fine until he realized that Pax Prime was coming up. He had promised his fans that he would go. He contemplated making up an excuse but he was depressed not heartless. He couldn't bring himself to lie to them again. He sent a message on Twitter confirming that he would still go and set about making sure his friends wouldn't be concerned or overbearing while he was there. He went on Skype and began to write a message to Wade, who had messaged him the most.

"Hey, I'm sorry if I've been distant. I got over stressed and decided to separate myself from the community for a bit. I fear I pushed my friends away as well. Sorry about that. Either way, I figured I'd tell you myself, I'm still going to Pax. I can't wait to see you guys there! Though I'm not sure that I'll be up for doing any of the panel while there. Sorry again!"

He hit send and received a reply almost immediately.

"Hey Jack! It's good to hear from you! We were getting really worried." Jack winced at that and continued reading, "I'm excited to see you too and I know Bob and Mark also are. Also you work yourself really hard, I'm sure your audience would understand if you decided to take a short break. About the panel, we'll really miss you there but if you really don't want to, we aren't going to make you :/. It was good to hear from you and we can't wait to see you!"

As soon as he finished reading another message from Wade came through.

"Chin Up, buddy!

                      -Mark"

Jack gave a small smile, his first genuine one in months, and turned off the computer to go to bed.

\---

A week later, Jack found himself at an airport, ready to leave for his hotel. He got into a cab and received a text from Mark.

"Hey, do you want to meet up before the convention?"

Jack sighed and locked his phone without responding. Despite the fact that he was trying to convince his friends that everything was okay, he couldn't bring himself to respond to Mark's texts. As the cab pulled up to his hotel he thanked the driver, grabbed his stuff, and went to check in. Leaving the elevator, he promptly ran into someone, falling backwards.

"Oh shit! I'm so sor- Jack!" Of course it was Mark. That was Jack's luck lately.

"Oh hey Mark!" He said trying his hardest to sound cheerful.

"How are you doing? I texted you. I don't know if you got it..." Mark said looking at Jack hopefully.

"Uh... Yeah I got while I was checking in. I was going to respond was I got to my room." Jack lied.

"Oh, what were you going to say?" Mark said regarding his friend carefully.

Jack picked up his suitcase and motioned for Mark to walk with him.

"I was going to ask who would be there. I'm not up for too much excitement. It was a long flight." Jack said trying to find a way out of being social.

"Of course! That's understandable. It would just be with Bob, Wade, and me though. That's not too much is it?" Mark said, silently urging Jack to accept the request. Jack sighed, knowing his excuse wasn't good enough.

"Yeah, that's fine." He said without emotion. Mark smiled, unphased by Jack's lack of excitement.

"Let me just put this up and I'll meet you in the hotel lobby in five. Okay?"

"Yeah that sounds great!" Mark said.

\---

"He looks even worse in person, Wade." Mark said desperately.

"Worse?" Wade questioned.

"It looks like he hasn't slept in days and his voice it's so- emotionless." Mark said struggling to describe the person he just met, who definitely wasn't his friend.

"Maybe it's just from the flight?" Wade suggested hopefully.

"There's no way. He looks like he's on the verge of death." Mark said. Wade sighed.

"Look, don't say anything about it yet. We have a plan. Remember?"

"Yes." Mark said. "Here he comes, we'll be there soon, okay?"

"Got it." Wade said hanging up.

Tonight, Mark, Bob, and Wade made an agreement to not mention Jack's absence to get a feel for their friend's state of mind. Mark knew he would struggle to pretend everything was normal. The short conversation he had with Jack by the elevator was horrible. He hated pretending that he didn't notice his friend struggling.

"Hey, who was that?" Jack asked as he approached, looking a bit livelier.

"Just Wade calling to see where we were." Mark said with a laugh.

"Oh." was all Jack replied with before heading towards the hotel doors.

"Where are we going?" He asked as he got in a cab behind Mark.

"Just a restaurant we found last year." Mark responded.

The rest of the car ride was spent in a tense silence. When they arrived at the restaurant they sat down and waited for their friends, still silent. When they arrived they greeted Mark and Jack with smiles that weren't returned.

"Hey, Jack. Long time no see! I didn't get to come to the last convention and I missed my favorite Irish person!" Bob said sitting down. Jack gave an awkward smile, as if he didn't remember how to do it properly.

"Yeah, we missed you there. But we're all here now!" Jack said. Mark couldn't help but wonder if that was completely true. They all settled into quiet conversation, Jack only speaking if he was spoken to. When the waiter came, Jack ordered the smallest option on the menu and didn't take a single bite of it. Once everyone stated that they were finished, Jack excused himself to the restroom.

"Damn Mark. You weren't kidding. He's almost... frightening." Wade said watching the restroom door closely.

"What are we going to do?" Bob asked helplessly.

"I don't know. Have an intervention? Would that even work?" Mark said.

"He's not a drug addict Mark." Bob protested.

"That we know of." Wade said causing them both to go silent.

"Wade, he wouldn't-" Mark started before Wade cut through.

"The Jack we know wouldn't ignore us for months on end Mark."

Everyone went silent choosing to not speak of it anymore while Jack could show up at any time.

When he finally reappeared he looked worse than before.

"I really have to go now. Thanks for letting me tag along, I'll see you guys tomorrow." He said practically running out of the restaurant. Everyone winced.

"Why do you think he ran out?" Wade asked.

"Like you said Wade. It's not the Jack we know. I have no clue." Bob said sadly getting up to leave.

"I'm going to talk to him." Mark said decidedly.

"Mark, no. We agreed not to until the convention ended." Bob said firmly.

"Why does it matter? He needs help Bob!" Mark said raising his voice a little.

"Mark, what if we made him worse? It's unfair to the fans for us to do that. I'm sure the only reason he came is because he promised them." Wade said.

"But what if we made him better? It's unfair to him to make him suffer like that any longer than he has to." Mark argued. Bob and Wade both sighed.

"Do you think it would be better to talk to him now?" Bob asked.

"Yes." Mark said confidently.

"Let's do it then." Wade said.

"Really?"

"Yeah, Mark. I don't have experience with this, I don't know what the right answer is. But if you're confident enough, I'll follow you." Bob said, Wade nodding along.

"Alright. Let's go get our friend back." Mark said standing.

\---

Jack made it back to his room. He had a small hope that seeing his friends again would fix him. They only made it worse. Every second at that table was a battle. He wasn't blind though, he knew they were concerned. He was just thankful they didn't call him out.

Once alone again, he went to his bed and laid down, knowing sleep was far off. He sat in the dark regretting the decision to come here, knowing that every fan he meets will be seen as the next victim of his stupidity. He knew he'd see their parents and would have to resist the urge to apologize. Maybe he should leave before he screws something up.

Eventually a knock rocked him out of his head. He got up and checked the peep hole to see his friends standing nervously. He opened the door.

"Are you here to give me an intervention or something?" He asked, not a hint of humor present in his voice.

"Jack, we need to talk." Mark said.

"Oh, so you did decide to do it tonight. Fun." Jack said, giving up his act of happiness. He turned back into the hotel room and flipped on the lights, leaving the door open to allow them in. Once they were all in a comfortable circle, Wade began to speak.

"Jack we know something is wrong-"

"Yeah."

"and that you probably don't want to tal- wait, what?" Wade said realizing that Jack wasn't denying his statement.

"I said, yes. There is something wrong. It's just none of your business." Jack said deciding not to tell his friends. Maybe if he was rude, they would leave, give up on him, he wouldn't have to be a burden to them anymore.

"Jack, we're your friends of course it's our business. We care about you." Bob said.

"It's fine, I'll get through it." Jack insisted.

"You know you can't do that by yourself!" Wade protested.

"I've done it so far." Jack said.

"Look where that's gotten you Jack. You obviously aren't eating enough, you look like you don't sleep at all, you need to take care of your body, Jack!" Bob said.

"I'm doing fine! It's just the flight-"

"Jack, it's not the flight's fault and we all know it." Wade said firmly.

"Why aren't you saying anything? Don't you want to insult me too?" Jack asked suddenly looking towards Mark who was staring at the floor.

"It makes me sad." Mark said quietly. Jack looked surprised, he wasn't expecting that answer. "It makes me sad that we let you convince yourself that you didn't need us, that we let you learn to hate yourself this much, Jack, I'm so sorry we were late, but we're here now. You aren't alone anymore so please, chin up. For us? For me?" Mark finished, eyes starting to water. The room was silent after that until Jack lunged forward with a sob, latching onto Mark.

"I'm sorry! I- I- didn't want to disappoint you more. I didn't mean to make you feel guilty." He said between his sobs and sniffles. Mark just hugged back, shushing his friend.

"It's okay, Jack. We're not mad. We just miss you." Bob said silently going over and placing a hand on Jack's shoulder. It didn't take long for Wade to join and soon they were in a group hug, surrounding their beaten down friend like a protective cocoon. They remained in this position for what felt like hours before separating.

"I think I should explain what happened." Jack said quietly, looking at his shoes.

"Only if you're up to it." Mark said. After a moment of silence Jack went into his story. He spoke of meeting his fan, learning about her death, how his sadness turned into hatred for himself and guilt. He explained his descent into darkness, why he pushed everyone away, and how for once he didn't feel so lonely even if the replacement feeling was depression it was better than feeling alone. During his narrative, his friends listened intently, struggling to understand their friend's feelings.

"Jack, not to sound insensitive, but you've lost fans before. Why did this one destroy you so much?" Jack hesitated before answering.

"I- I don't know. I remembered her, she lived close by, she was so young, I hate losing people more than anything else in the world. A lot of things piled up at once and when I found out about her, I guess it just become to heavy to get back up once I was knocked down." He explained. His friends nodded thoughtfully.

"Have you looked into therapy?" Bob asked.

"I don't really feel comfortable talking about things like this with strangers but I suppose that's the best choice isn't it?" Jack asked. They all nodded again.

"Okay, I'll find someone good once I get home." He promised. They all visibly relaxed at this.

"Alright, I think we've pestered you enough for one night." Wade said getting ready to leave.

"Wait! Can you just stay and talk a little longer? About anything." Jack asked blushing. His friends looked to each other before agreeing to stay. They talked late into the night before Jack fell asleep and his friends left quietly, leaving a note behind that had two words,

"Chin Up!"

\---

When the convention started the next day, Jack still had to fake his smiles, still questioned the effect his channel had on people, but he was definitely better. He made sure to post to Twitter for the first time since confirming that he would be going to the convention. He went to the panel and tried his best to ease into it. His friends helped, changing the subject if he felt awkward, getting his attention if he got distracted, and making sure to include him as much as they could to show that he was still a welcome part of the group.

By the end of the convention, he was feeling a bit like himself again. He started to smile genuinely and joked with his friends again. He was sad when he had to go, but he knew he'd see them soon for another convention. When he got home, he turned all of his lights on for the first time in months, he responded to his other worried friends, and he set about looking for a therapist. He knew it would take more than one convention to help him back to his old self, but he felt a strange sense of excitement towards getting better.

\---

Therapy was awkward. He'd never liked talking about himself all that much, but his therapist was patient and understanding. She helped him work through his thoughts. He made a lot of discoveries about himself during therapy, but the most shocking happened after about two months of appointments.

"Jack?" His therapist asked after a couple moments of silence.

"Hmm?"

"How do you feel about Mark?" She asked.

"He's one of my best friends. You know he's the one that first got me talking about my depression."

"Yes, I know, but how does he make you feel?"

"Good?" He said not understanding.

"I was going to try and let you find it yourself but I'll just be blunt, do you like him romantically?"

"What?" He asked, surprised by the question.

"Are you interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with Mark?" She asked again.

"You sound like our fans." He said with a laugh.

"Sean, you're avoiding the question." His therapist had an annoying habit of using his real name when she was annoyed with him.

"I don't know. I've never really thought about it before." He said.

"You're lying." She said. He sighed.

"Yeah, I've thought about it but I don't really know if I like him like that. I've never been interested in a guy before either." He admitted.

"Jack, no one ever really knows themselves completely. They learn new things about themselves up until the day they die. So I believe that it is very possible for you to be bisexual." She explained.

 "It would make sense." He said accepting it smoothly. "But I still don't know about Mark."

"Okay, how about this, you tell me exactly how he makes you feel and I'll give my honest opinion, okay?" She suggested.

"That sounds fair." He said before starting a description.

"Mark is the kindest person I know. He loves everyone he meets, unless they're mean. He takes care of the people he loves. He took care of me. I wasn't listening to Bob and Wade when they confronted me at Pax, I didn't want them to know everything. We all started raising our voices but he remained silent. When I called him out, he spoke gently. He told me how sorry he was for not helping me. I've never felt so guilty in my life. He made me want to improve, he reinvigorated me." Jack said smiling. "Something he always tells me, "Chin up." it's become my motto. I don't know why I like it so much, but it makes me happy."

"How did you feel about him before you became depressed?" She asked.

"The same mostly. I used to count the days until I could see him." He said with a laugh.

"Before I say anything Jack, you need to know something. While it's great Mark has done so much for you, you need to be aware that all of the progress you've made is something you did. Mark may have rescued you but the credit of saving you goes to yourself." She said making eye contact to get her point across.

"Thank you. I understand." He whispered, smiling gently, giving in for a moment and feeling proud of himself for once.

"Good. Now, regarding Mark. What do you think I'm going to say?" She asked.

"Well, when I was talking I think I figured it out. I think I might have a strong romantic interest in Mark." He said quoting his therapist from earlier.

"I'd agree." She said with a smile.

"What do I do about it?" He asked, panic closing in suddenly.

"First, calm down everything will be fine, Jack. Take a breath. Accept the new information."

He paused and tried to wrap his head around the realization.

"Alright, good. Now you need to convince yourself that pursuing Mark is not a bad thing. You are aloud to do this. You also need to make sure you realize that this doesn't end your friendship with him. Even if he doesn't feel the same, Mark is an accepting person." She explained.

"I'll try." Jack promised, spending the rest of the day in a good mood.

\---

When the next convention came, Jack was feeling good about life again. He put his channel back to the way it was, he brought "Reading Your Comments" back, he interacted with fans again. He still had bad days, but they were getting more rare and he was excited to see his friends again.

When he arrived, he went to find his friends straight away and greeted them all with hugs.

"Jack! You look so much better!" Bob said happily after looking over his friend.

"Thank you! I feel so much better!" He replied happily. He quickly eased into chatting with his friends.

"I hate to leave but I'm really tired." Wade said sadly. Bob quickly agreed.

"Aw, that's no fun!" Jack said.

"It's great to have you back Jack." Wade said as he went to leave, Bob following suit.

"We'll see you two tomorrow, goodnight!" Bob said as they left.

"That was weird. They normally stay out a lot later than this." Jack remarked, turning towards Mark.

"Yeah. About that." Mark said scratching his neck. "I may have made a request that they leave a bit early tonight because I kind of wanted to talk to you."

Jack gave him a confused look. "Are you pregnant?" He asked bluntly.

"What?" Mark asked laughing with surprise.

"I always ask that when someone says they want to talk. One day, I'll be right." Jack said giggling.

"Have you said it to your therapist?" Mark asked curiously.

"Yeah, she wasn't amused." Jack said recalling her glare. Mark laughed loudly at that, Jack quickly joining in.

"No! This was supposed to be a serious conversation! Look what you did!" Mark said, still laughing.

"I'm sorry!" Jack said. Once he calmed down, Mark began to talk.

"Okay, now to get a bit serious. Jack, I have something I really need to tell you." He said sobering up completely.

"When you stopped talking to me, I had a lot of time to think about you. About us. And I realized that you mean a lot to me Jack." Mark admitted.

"You mean a lot to me too, Mark." Jack said. Mark smiled before continuing,

"I've never felt so frustrated and helpless. I wanted to help you, so bad, but I couldn't. Then I realized the reason I was so upset was because I have feelings for you Jack. Like non-platonic feelings." He said looking down. Jack blushed.

"I have non-platonic feelings for you too, Mark." He admitted. Mark's head shot up and he searched Jack's face for sarcasm or dishonesty.

"Does this mean that you might want to go on a date with me?" Mark asked.

"Yeah. I would really like that." Jack said.

"Then I have one more question." Mark said.

"What's that?" Jack said, a smile creeping on to his face.

"May I kiss you?" Mark asked with a blush. Jack gave a nod and Mark leaned in slowly and gave a chaste, sweet kiss to Jack's lips. Once they pulled apart, they were both bright red. They continued to talk normally before heading to their hotel rooms.

Mark, ever the gentleman, walked Jack to his door and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Goodnight, Jack." He said with a smile.

"Goodnight, Mark." Jack returned moving to shut his door.

"Oh and Jack,"

"Hmm?" Jack paused.

"Thank you for staying strong and keeping your chin up." He said before leaving in a flash.

Jack smiled and shut his door to go to bed.

**Author's Note:**

> It honestly freaks me out if I don't have an end note. Once again sorry for any grammar mistakes and as always feedback and opinions are appreciated! Thanks again!  
> -letsdoaskit


End file.
